I've had a rough two weeks. I always think I can deal with everything on my own, but I have realized that "dealing" isn't really something I am very good at. I need encouragement to get me through. So, here's where y'all come in.
This is a tough subject for me to talk about. I have pretty severe anxiety. I think my anxiety stems from being an only child that assumes everyone thinks I must be perfect. Yes, I know that isn't realistic, but the thoughts are there. When I say anxiety, I don't just mean that I am a little worried on a little nervous. When I say anxiety, I mean - hole up in my office at work and avoid all coworkers; no full night of sleep because I wake up thinking about all kinds of crazy scenarios; eating when I am not hungry because it just might make the annoying thoughts in my head go away (no, this definitely doesn't work); making big, horrible, mean assumptions out of very simple things other say; etc.
The past 2 weeks have been full of anxiety and this is the first time I have mentioned it to anyone. I feel like I have been hiding behind a veil. I have tried to remain outwardly calm, but my insides are like Mexican jumpin' beans. I can't continue on that path or I will take myself backwards about a year. That just won't work. I refuse to go back to last year when my anxiety was at its worst.
I am gonna get through this though and here's how:
- Continue to take my meds - Thank goodness for the miracles of modern medicine. While I know that meds are not a total fix, they do help reduce the effect of anxiety on my daily life
- Get back to running - I have only run once since the half marathon on May 14. I am hoping that my doctor will be pleased with my recovery from a nagging knee issue and release me to run after my appointment tomorrow. Running is meditation for me. Even if I am running with someone, running just brings a peace to my soul.
- Take deep breaths and do what I can - I am not and cannot be responsible for everyone else. This is most true at work. I tend to think that if something has to be done that I need to do it, or it won't be right. Oh well... Others need to put on their big girl panties and take responsibility.
- Cook/bake - I gain a lot of joy/calm vibes when I cook and bake, especially when it is for someone else. Friday evening, I made a big crockpot full of chili for some friends that just had a sweet baby boy - delivering it to them on Saturday morning felt so good. Now, if I can just find some more people to cook/bake for on a regular basis!
- Be me - I have a problem with anxiety. Denying the issue isn't helping anything. If I embrace that I have an issue with anxiety, not only will I help myself but I may be able to help someone else.
So, that's it.... Hopefully this funk-alicious mess will calm down soon!