Seriously - time for a change

Over the past 3 or 4 months, I have been having some "me" issues.  The issues wane back and forth between dislike, love, acceptance, complacency, hate, annoyance, etc.  Unfortunately, it has been more in the dislike to hate range recently.  

Every single time I look at myself in the mirror, clothed or unclothed, I hate how I look.  This is what I see... ----> 


That lovely picture to the right is probably the last picture of me at probably very close to my heaviest weight (340 pounds).  This was in November 1999.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was a sophomore at Meredith College.  My Mama and my Aunt Debbie thought pictures of my cousin and me would be a good Christmas gift for my Granny.  So, we had these pictures taken at the local Sears on Thanksgiving weekend.  That sweater was a size 4X. I had a burgundy t-shirt on under it and khaki pants.  That smile...Totally fake.


Now those of you that have been reading my blog or may know me in person, you are very aware that this is not reality.  This is no longer my reality.  I have moved past this physically, but not fully mentally and emotionally.  That is what I see.  This image from my past wakes me up at night, it plagues my dreams, and sometimes consumes every thought.  


I feel like all my progress since May 2010 has been obliterated.  That is not true.  The reality at this moment is that I weigh 186.2 pounds (at 6 p.m. tonight; I cannot believe I just posted that!).  My lowest tracked weight since making the decision to transform was 174.2 pounds.  I am a whopping 12.4 pounds heavier since this same time last year.  What gives!?! 


I have always, always, always had a love-hate relationship with the scale.  Up until the past 6 months, I hadn't had a scale in my home for over 10 years.  I have been getting on the scale once a week, as per normal, and lying to myself about what it said.  The number has been creeping up 'n up 'n up for months.  I chalked it up to holidays, stress, running more, lifting more, etc.  Uh...Yeah, not so much Regan.  I have let myself go.  Yes, I have been eating ok; yes, I have been exercising.  However, I also haven't been really diligent about tracking my food and/or calorie intake.  I have been consuming lots of beers on the weekend (so delish!).  


Well, that's all gotta change.  It is time to get my shit back in gear and back on the right track.  I want to feel really good about myself.  I want to look in the mirror and actually smile at myself.  


So, here's where all of you come in...  I need you.  I need your support.  I need you to help hold me accountable.  I want to be the best me I can be.  I want to drop at least 20 pounds (166.2 pounds).  Here's a few goals to start:


Eating:

• Follow the 10-day "Flab Buster"/Organic Transformation plan for the next 3-4 weeks (weekdays only)
• No more soft drinks - not even diet.  Significantly reduce and/or eliminate soft drinks, even diet.  (Tried to frame it in a more 'positive' light versus 'no')
• No desserts after dinner.  If I "must" have something, then it should be a piece of fruit or some yogurt.  Reduce and/or eliminate desserts/snacks after dinner.  If I would like something, I need to keep in mind that it should be a healthy choice or a very small amount of something scrumptious.   (Tried to frame it in a more 'positive' light versus 'no')
• Keep a realistic food journal, with accurate entries and measurements.
• Beer - no more than 1 beer per outing or 3 per week.  

Exercise:

• Walk (or run) at least 3 times a week during lunch.
• Do the 30-minute strength circuit at Planet Fitness at least 2 (ideally 3) times per week.  
• Up the weights on strength training each week, or more often if possible
• Do at least 1 long run each weekend with my buddies.

I have to do this for me.  I am going to do this for me.  All of this affects me, but it also affects those around me.  It feels good to finally get a little clarity and get it down on "paper".  Cheers to my success!