Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Seriously - time for a change

Over the past 3 or 4 months, I have been having some "me" issues.  The issues wane back and forth between dislike, love, acceptance, complacency, hate, annoyance, etc.  Unfortunately, it has been more in the dislike to hate range recently.  


Every single time I look at myself in the mirror, clothed or unclothed, I hate how I look.  This is what I see... ----> 


That lovely picture to the right is probably the last picture of me at probably very close to my heaviest weight (340 pounds).  This was in November 1999.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was a sophomore at Meredith College.  My Mama and my Aunt Debbie thought pictures of my cousin and me would be a good Christmas gift for my Granny.  So, we had these pictures taken at the local Sears on Thanksgiving weekend.  That sweater was a size 4X. I had a burgundy t-shirt on under it and khaki pants.  That smile...Totally fake.


Now those of you that have been reading my blog or may know me in person, you are very aware that this is not reality.  This is no longer my reality.  I have moved past this physically, but not fully mentally and emotionally.  That is what I see.  This image from my past wakes me up at night, it plagues my dreams, and sometimes consumes every thought.  


I feel like all my progress since May 2010 has been obliterated.  That is not true.  The reality at this moment is that I weigh 186.2 pounds (at 6 p.m. tonight; I cannot believe I just posted that!).  My lowest tracked weight since making the decision to transform was 174.2 pounds.  I am a whopping 12.4 pounds heavier since this same time last year.  What gives!?! 


I have always, always, always had a love-hate relationship with the scale.  Up until the past 6 months, I hadn't had a scale in my home for over 10 years.  I have been getting on the scale once a week, as per normal, and lying to myself about what it said.  The number has been creeping up 'n up 'n up for months.  I chalked it up to holidays, stress, running more, lifting more, etc.  Uh...Yeah, not so much Regan.  I have let myself go.  Yes, I have been eating ok; yes, I have been exercising.  However, I also haven't been really diligent about tracking my food and/or calorie intake.  I have been consuming lots of beers on the weekend (so delish!).  


Well, that's all gotta change.  It is time to get my shit back in gear and back on the right track.  I want to feel really good about myself.  I want to look in the mirror and actually smile at myself.  


So, here's where all of you come in...  I need you.  I need your support.  I need you to help hold me accountable.  I want to be the best me I can be.  I want to drop at least 20 pounds (166.2 pounds).  Here's a few goals to start:


Eating:

  • Follow the 10-day "Flab Buster"/Organic Transformation plan for the next 3-4 weeks (weekdays only)
  • No more soft drinks - not even diet.  Significantly reduce and/or eliminate soft drinks, even diet.  (Tried to frame it in a more 'positive' light versus 'no')
  • No desserts after dinner.  If I "must" have something, then it should be a piece of fruit or some yogurt.  Reduce and/or eliminate desserts/snacks after dinner.  If I would like something, I need to keep in mind that it should be a healthy choice or a very small amount of something scrumptious.   (Tried to frame it in a more 'positive' light versus 'no')
  • Keep a realistic food journal, with accurate entries and measurements.
  • Beer - no more than 1 beer per outing or 3 per week.  
Exercise:
  • Walk (or run) at least 3 times a week during lunch.
  • Do the 30-minute strength circuit at Planet Fitness at least 2 (ideally 3) times per week.  
  • Up the weights on strength training each week, or more often if possible
  • Do at least 1 long run each weekend with my buddies.
I have to do this for me.  I am going to do this for me.  All of this affects me, but it also affects those around me.  It feels good to finally get a little clarity and get it down on "paper".  Cheers to my success!



  

9 comments:

  1. I don't know what works or doesn't work for you personally. But in my experience and opinion, even stating the word "no" in your goal sets the stage for failure. Having dessert isn't a bad thing if you limit it or eat something healthy or low-calorie. It doesn't have to be an absolute...unless you know that has and will work for you...then go for it. But why not make your food goals more positive and small?

    Also, what is this flab buster thing???

    I think your fitness goals sound great. Although I would add in a definite race or challenge or something to keep you motivated (certain number of sit ups or push up, pace goal for a new race, etc).

    I admire and congratulate you for setting goals and announcing them publicly. I just wanted to add my thoughts on them, for what it is worth. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks for the feedback Jenelle! Dessert is one of my bigger issues when I am having a bad day or just want to eat something. I agree that saying "no" isn't the best method. I think I will modify my goal to more positive language! That should help me stick wiht it.

      The "flab buster" is a program that my former trainer gave me last year. It is a ridiculously limiting plan that you follow for 10-15 days. Since you are a RD, you probably wouldn't love it, but I can send it to you tomorrow. Last year, it worked well as a "spark".

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    2. I think very short term diets aren't necessarily bad. If someone goes into it knowing it is only a short term spark and has the right goals and expectations it can be very motivating. But research has shown you really have to have a long term plan and stick it out. So come up with a plan for after you finish the program (which I would love to see and will only give you comments on it if you ask). I can help ya with that...but I'm sure you already know some of it. ;)

      Adding more positive goals may really help. Think about what you can add or give yourself rather than what you can't have. Focus on adding more fruits and veggies, for example. If you truly eat a lot of them (and none of us eats enough, even me), it will help you lose weight because you will consume less calories overall. As long as you don't drown them in butter or cheese. ;)

      Let me know if you have any other questions or need a few pointers. I'm here to help! Keep it up!

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  2. I think you look better than ever! I would give yourself about 5 lbs of fluctuation for water weight one way or the other. I definitely have seen that alcohol (and especially beer) can add unwanted pounds. I need to make this same decision about my alcohol consumption.

    I am still in awe of your dedication.

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  3. Regan - you are so incredibly strong for sharing something so personal and close to your heart, something that I imagine took a lot of courage and self determination to get out! I very much commend you and look forward to keeping you in check with our lunch hour power walks :-) Good Luck and remember, the scale is not your friend - don't let it bring you down! You look great and I'm very proud of all your accomplishments!!!

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  4. Regan - you are so incredibly strong for sharing something so personal and close to your heart, something that I imagine took a lot of courage and self determination to get out! I very much commend you and look forward to keeping you in check with our lunch hour power walks :-) Good Luck and remember, the scale is not your friend - don't let it bring you down! You look great and I'm very proud of all your accomplishments!!!

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  5. You are an amazing and inspiration woman. I would love to support and help you in any way possible! xoxo!

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  6. Love you!!! Let me know how I can help and just remember - YOU ARE A TOTAL BADASS. :-) You inspire so many people (me included!) and I am very proud of you! Don't worry about the scale - you're looking GREAT!

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  7. +1 to what Sarah said! I'm so proud of you, Regan for having the courage to post this and hold yourself accountable. Just remember you are amazing, your body has allowed you to do some amazing things, and you know, as well as I do that weight loss is not an over night process. You've already changed your life so much and are on the right track. I know you'll be fine. Just remember you've got all of us to listen to you and help you every weekend while we're out pounding pavement. Love ya girl. You. Can. Do . it!

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