Making peace

I have always had issues with my body, always.  When I was pushing 340 pounds, there was a reason to have issues.  My body was a harmful shell and it was killing me a little more each day.  I am working to to "make peace" with my body.  I have realized that while I may never be model thin, I am pretty dang happy with what I have... 

One example is my legs.  What can my legs do? 

• They can can carry me through running a half marathon!; 
• have a nearly noticeable line/muscle in the calf;
• can press 200 pounds at the gym - strong!;
• and much more.  I may not be proud daily of how my legs appear, but I am proud of what they do for me each day. 

I am no longer focusing on the negatives of my body.  I know that I will always be my own biggest critic, but I am going to accept what I have.  I am going to make the best of each part, no matter how critical I am of it - all while trying to improve myself.

The joys of waiting on a hurricane

Well, yesterday was another day of waiting for the affects of Hurricane Irene.  Last night, the hubs and I went out to dinner because we figured we might not get out of the house today.  With the way I feel right now, I don't want to go anywhere.  I have been concerned about my parents, but there is nothing I can do from here.  I just talked to my Daddy and they are without power, lost several trees in the backyard, but have survived pretty unscathed otherwise. 

I have no choice than to share the funniest part of our conversation though...  Let me set it up for you - my parents home has no power, but they have a generator.  They have the gas for the generator, but haven't gotten it out yet.  So, my Mama's cell phone is dead.  Instead of hooking up the cell phone (and other household appliances) to the generator, she is sitting in her car charging her cell phone.  Love it!  Love ya Mama!


My friend, BA, at The Heir To Blair, wrote a great blog post about "Being a North Carolinian".  I had no choice than to copy/paste it below.  Thanks BA!  (My editorial comments are in blue.)

How to deal with natural disasters & weather North Carolina style.

1)  Stay glued to your local weather on the 8′s.  DO NOT MOVE UNTIL YOU SEE THE LOCAL WEATHER ON THE 8′s, EVEN IF YOUR PASTA IS BOILING OVER ON THE STOVE, your biscuits are burnin' in the oven, & YOUR HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN.  Because a hurricane/blizzard/tornado be coming, y’all.

2)  Stick your head as far up your ass as possible until you’re kissing your teeth, then get behind the wheel of your car & head to the grocery store.

3)  BREAD & MILK ARE THE NECTAR OF LIFE.  oh, you waited until 9am to get to the store 3 days before the disaster?  You’re fucked.  No bread for you.  Go grab some eggs.  Why bread, milk, and eggs?  French toast y'all.  You never fixed french toast - you will during this natural disaster - just because that's how we do it. 

4)  If you are a lunatic conservative, freak the hell out on Facebook & Twitter, claiming that you knew New York would pay for their sins because HELLO, God sends an earthquake & then a hurricane?

5)  Barricade yourself in your home.

• People of Group 1 see this as an generous reason to not clean their house & wallow in their filth for a few days without changing out of pajamas.
• People of Group 2 scrub the house from top to bottom as a welcome present to the disaster, then serve a four-course dinner in pearls.  Gotta keep up appearances for guests, y’all.
• Outcome #1 - Pat yourself on the back, safe inside your house hugging your bread & milk as two inches of rain or snow fall, knowing the city will probably stay shut down another 48 hours.
• Outcome #2 - Hard core weather actually happens.  The power goes out, so the milk & eggs you purchased are totally effed.  You stocked up on Netflix instead of D batteries, so you pull out the aged whisky & hop in bed the moment it gets dark.  Hospitals rub their hands eagerly at the influx of Labor & Delivery income predicted nine months from now.

Earthquake and Hurricane Irene in the same week? Seriously?

On Tuesday afternoon, there was an earthquake on the east coast.  The fault was located north of Richmond, but tremors were felt in North Carolina.  I was working from home and felt something funny.  At first, I thought it was the washing machine messing up - that was until I realized that the washing machine wasn't running.  It was an unreal sensation and I am hoping I don't have to deal with that again anytime soon.


Since the earthquake, my mind has been filled with thoughts of Hurricane Irene.  My parents live in Beaufort, North Carolina.  Yesterday afternoon, the forecast had Irene going right through my hometown.  No good.  I swear I talked to my parents multiple times yesterday because this is the first hurricane that I have really been concerned about.  I am not sure why, but I just have a bad feeling about this one...

My folks are choosing not to board up the windows on their house.  They have relatively new vinyl siding and windows and would rather not mess it up by drilling plywood in the vinyl.  I am not liking that idea, but it is their home.  I am relieved to know that my Daddy is planning to go pick up my Granny and bring her to their house.  She lives in a mobile home on the other side of the county and I was so scared for her staying alone.  

I have made a few preparations for us.  We are likely to have some wind and power outages in Raleigh.  I have located and refreshed batteries in our flashlights.  I picked up some extra snacky-type foods and 3 gallons of water.  If the power goes out, the hubs and I will enjoy PB&J sandwiches, double dark chocolate cookies, goldfish crackers, and some other fun stuff.   
Anyway, Hurricane Irene will be dominating my thoughts until I know that my parents and family are safe.  We may have a little wind in Raleigh, but that is nothing compared to what the people I love are going to deal with in the next day.  If you live in an area that is likely to be affected by Irene, please prepare and stay safe! 

FMM: The Last Thing

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: http://www.alltheweigh.com/ so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please add your links there too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: The Last Thing

1) What is the title of the last book you read?  I am currently reading two books - The Happiness Project and Bossypants.  I am a bit ADD when it comes to reading, so I flit between a few things at one time.
2) What is the last movie you saw in a theater? The hubs and I went to see Bridesmaids a month or so ago. 
3) Briefly describe the last person you saw today.  I last saw a coworker that usually works from home.  I think the last time I saw her was about 3 months ago.  She has lost a ton of weight and looks amazing!
4) Which store did you most recently shop in?  Bed Bath & Beyond
5) Who’s the last person you spoke to over the phone? My Daddy.  I talk to him almost every morning on the way to work.  We started the tradition when I left home to go to college (1998) and have been fairly consistent ever since
6) Where’s the last place you vacationed? The hubs and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary in May.  We went on a 3-night Disney cruise, followed by 4-nights at the Polynesian Resort at Walt Disney World.
7) When was the last time you kissed someone of the opposite sex?  This morning
8) What’s the last thing that made you laugh? A email from a friend... It wasn't a funny situation, but amusing how dumb people can be
9) What’s the latest app that you downloaded on your phone?  My Fitness Pal
10)  What’s the last kind thing you did for someone?  I don't really know... I did help someone carry their dry cleaning out to their car this morning since I was going to have to wait in line.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions!  

The fall training plan

Well, I mentioned that I won't be traveling to Florida for the Women's Half Marathon, but I still want to do a fall half marathon.  I am hedging between two races - the Outer Banks Half Marathon and the City of Oaks Half Marathon.  While I like that the City of Oaks Marathon is in Raleigh (no hotel or travel!), I don't love the course because of the hills.  The Outer Banks Half is nearly all flat, with the exception of going over the bridge into Manteo.  I will be making my decision in the next week or so.  Either way, training must begin! 

Here's my proposed training schedule for the race - what do you think?  It pretty much follows the plan that Jeff Galloway produces for the Disney Marathons.  The first half marathon training program was based on Hal Higdon's novice plan.  I am just not sure which one I prefer.  We'll see...

I have been trying to keep my long run mileage (Saturday/Sunday) in the 5-7 mile range.  This weekend, I am supposed to do 6 miles, with 10 for the next two weeks (didn't insert August calendar). 

It is a possibility that Monday and Tuesday training will be flip-flopped along the way.  I got used to running with Sarah on Monday and Thursday afternoon before the half.  Who knows...We may end up starting that back again.

Changing things up - Weight Watchers and My Fitness Pal

I have been on a up-down-up-down plateau with my weight since the first week in May.  I wasn't concerned about the up-down pattern for the first month after my half marathon, because I promised myself that I was going to give myself a little break.  Well, when I got to the three month mark of the up-down mess, I decided that something had to give. 

On Tuesday, August 9, I started double-tracking my foods - in Weight Watchers and in My Fitness Pal.  Within the first couple of days, I realized a few things:

1. I was overeating in fruit/veggies.  How can one overeat in fruit/veggies?  Well, it is actually pretty easy...  If I was hungry (or thought I was hungry), I would go for fruit/veggies.  Instead of being smart and eating 1 piece of fruit or a serving of veggies, I would go hog-wild (i.e., 5-6 clementines instead of 2-3).  This adds up in a short period of time.
2. I was overestimating my activity points and eating all of them.  This has been a pitfall on Weight Watchers for me in the past.  I guess that I feel like I earned every single one of my activity points, I should be able to eat every single one of them.  Unfortunately, this isn't always true.  Sometimes, it is good to leave a few extra points on the table.
3. I was underestimating many of my foods, especially on the weekend.  Weight Watchers gives you a lovely, wonderful little pot of weekly points (49 to be exact).  Well, I was blowing the heck out of them on the weekends.  I was definitely underestimating my serving sizes and points values because I would always say "I am using my weeklies for this..."  I was very good about weighing my food before the half marathon and I am back to weighing again.  It is amazing how deceptive your eyes can be with serving sizes!

Well, after double-tracking for 1 week (with weighing on Tuesday), I am down 2.8 pounds.  I think I am going to continue double-tracking for a little while longer, at least until I figure out what tool is best for me right now. 

I am 0.2 away from being out of the obese category for BMI.  I would love to get down to 150, or a little less, so that I am closer to the healthy BMI category (147.6).  I know that it isn't gonna be easy.  I know that it is gonna be slow.  But, I have worked hard and I will continue to do so until I reach my goal!

Dropping out of a race before it even happens :-(

I made the decision today to not do the Women's Half Marathon in St. Petersburg, Florida.  The race is scheduled for November 20, the Sunday before Thanksgiving.  I think this is the best decision, but it doesn't mean I won't be doing a fall half. 

I completed my first half marathon on May 14.  Not long there after, I signed up for the WHM in St. Pete.  I was still on the "high" from my half and didn't really think about everything involved in heading to Florida the week of Thanksgiving - totally not typical for me.  I didn't factor in the higher cost of airline tickets, the cost of hotel for the event, and the pretty high cost of transportation to/from the airport in Tampa to St. Petersburg.  I have to be honest that I am slightly disappointed, but in the end the decision will probably be for the best, but it sucks to be out the money for registration.  Anyone want to impersonate me? (Just kidding, kinda)

I am planning to work on modifying my fall half marathon training program this week.  I am going to wait a few more weeks, but I think I am going to sign up for the City of Oaks Half Marathon.  I was a course monitor for the race last year and enjoyed it.  So, still gonna do a fall race!!

A fun little game - Thoughts versus Actuality

My cousin, Natalie, posted this on her blog after seeing it on a friends blog.  Looks like a little bit of fun to start off Friday!  I think it is cool to see how life actually changes...

So, why don't you fill it out too!  Comment with a link to your answers! 

Where I thought I’d be when I was 12:   I thought I would be the cool kid, hanging out with friends in my small town, and probably participating in sports. 
Actuality:  Chubby kid.  Not cool, but was friends with everyone.  Didn't really participate actively in sports, but was in band.

Where I thought I’d be when I was 16:  I thought I would be a great student at East Carteret, lots of friends, a wonderful boyfriend, and a great job.   

Actuality:  I was a pretty good student at ECHS, but didn't work to get great grades.  I had a lot of friends, but no boyfriend to speak of (I think a lot of that had to do with self-esteem issues).  I worked at a local seafood restaurant and met my first love (that didn't end up being my true love).

Where I thought I’d be when I was 21:  I thought I would be in my senior year of college, preparing to get a great job.  I thought I would be engaged to marry the man of my dreams and start a family.   

Actuality:   2001/21 was tough.  I was in my senior year at Meredith College, the job market in my field was pretty crappy, etc.  I did not have a boyfriend, much less a fiance.  I also was diagnosed with PCOS right before turning 21.  It was then that I found out that having kids would likely be very difficult.  I was dealing with lots of self-esteem issues (still).  It eventually turned around, but that was just a tough time.

Where I thought I’d be when I was 25:  I thought I would be married to a great guy, living in a beautiful home with one child.  I thought I would have worked my way up the "corporate ladder" and enjoy every aspect of my job.   

Actuality:   I wasn't married to a great guy, but I was engaged to one :-)  We were living in a wonderful, beautiful condo (still do!) and enjoying every day together.  We were discussing kids a lot and whether or not we really wanted children of our own.  We were planning the wedding of our dreams - classic and relatively simple.  I was working for a biotech company in RTP and not loving it.

Where I thought I’d be when I was 27:  Depends on when you asked...  I would have thought I would still be climbing the corporate ladder, getting involved in Junior League (or something similar). 
Actuality:   I was in the middle of changing jobs (again!).  I was the "new kid on the block" at my job, but loving every minute of it.  I realized that I am definitely not the Junior League type.

Where I thought Id be when I was 31:  Settled into a great routine with my husband.  Doing volunteer work to help others, since I won't be doing the PTA thing.  Traveling a lot.  Enjoying my life.  

Actuality:  (31 is only a few weeks away!!)  We are settled into a great routine.  It took us a while to figure it out, but we each have our roles in our relationship.  I recently started volunteering for Dress for Success and love it!  I love my life!

Where I think I’ll be when I’m 35:  I have no clue!  I want to still love my life!  I wouldn't mind moving up in my organization and taking on a little more responsibility.  I'd love to be able to be closer to the people I love more often, etc.  

Actuality: Only time will tell....  4 years to go.

Where I think I’ll be when I’m 40:   Happy, loved, and satisfied with all aspects of my life. 

Much ado over "nothing"

So, the stress of the past few days was pretty useless.  Isn't that always how it goes?  The hubs had his upper endoscopy procedure this morning.  According to everything I understand, he did very well with the prep and the actual tests. 

After the procedure, the doctor reviewed the pictures from the endoscopy.  Basically, the hubs has a slightly irregular Z-line (tissue sent for biopsy), hiatal hernia, and gastritis (also sent for biopsy).  So what does all of that mean?  If I understood the doctor correctly - the hubs has pretty annoying acid reflux (along with a significant amount of the population).  The irregular Z-line was likely caused by not treating the reflux as soon as it was noticed, but it is no reason for concern.

Dr. O'Loughlin prescribed the hubs a reflux medication, instructed him to follow an anti reflux regimen/diet, and come back for a follow-up in a few weeks.  Jason and I both asked questions about what the results really mean, should we be concerned, etc.  Dr. O'Loughlin assured us that these issues were relatively insignificant and could be corrected with behavior/diet modification. 

As far as the call from the nurse the other day, well that is another story.  The nurse either misread/misinterpreted what she was supposed to tell the hubs or it was all lost in translation with him.  She should have told J that he had a couple very small kidney stones (no reason for further consultation at this point, a couple very small gallstones (again, no need for concern right now), and a couple fatty deposits in his liver.  No one will ever know what she really told him because I am sure he went immediately to the worst case scenario.  Dr. O'Loughlin said that he does have some fatty deposits on his liver, not fatty liver/fatty liver disease/non-alcoholic cirrhosis.  He said that the deposits are normal for most people and that it isn't anything to be concerned about unless he has inflammation in his liver and/or his liver function tests come back funky (neither of which apply).

So, at this point, the biggest/best thing we can do is reduce trigger/reflux inducing food from our diet.  Considering that the list from the doctor has a lot of foods on it that the hubs loves, this should be interesting.  I am going to do my best to encourage him to eat things that don't cause him issues, but I have a feeling he is going to be stubborn about it.  Of course, I will also be telling him that I don't want to hear him complain if he is going to choose to eat foods he shouldn't be eating. 

I suck at waiting

I suck at the waiting game...  I feel like I need to get my thoughts out there and then I will feel a little better.  A small warning - This blog post will be filled with limited medical mumbo-jumbo language and will probably be TMI for some.  It will be long.  It will not make much sense.  However, I hope that it will make me relax a little....

Several years ago, the hubs (aka, Jason or J) started complaining about acid reflux type symptoms after eating.  After trying various over-the-counter medications for several months, we made an appointment with our primary care doctor.  After reviewing the various symptoms, etc. the hubs started taking Zantac two times per day.  This seemed to help most of the issues, except the "gassy"/bloating feeling he often had.  The hubs added Phazyme to the mix and it helped some too. 

About 8 months ago, J went for his annual physical.  During the appointment with his doctor, J explained the annoying stomach issues that he was continuing to deal with.  Dr. Anderson upped his Zantac dosage.  He also suggested that it may be time for a referral to a gastroenterologist (GI).  The hubs wasn't too keen on going to another doctor, but told Dr. Anderson he would keep that in mind.

Well, the third week in July, Jason had finally had enough.  We went to J's primary care doctor on Thursday afternoon and discussed our options for different medication, getting a consultation with a GI doc, etc.  Dr. Anderson changed J's medication.  He also got him set up for a referral to Digestive Healthcare for a consultation.

On Friday, July 29, Jason and I went to meet with Dr. O'Loughlin at Digestive Healthcare.  We were immediately put at ease by Dr. O'Loughlin being honest and saying that there likely was some kind of issue with J's stomach, but it was also likely easily fixed with medication, diet modification, etc.  Dr. O'Loughlin put J on another different medication.  He got Jason set up for an abdominal ultrasound and an endoscopy. 

The abdominal ultrasound was on Tuesday, August 2.  After the ultrasound, we headed to Wilmington/Wrightsville Beach for the rest of the week.  We did the best with keeping our minds distracted from being concerned with the various stomach issues.  We were surprised to not receive a call from the doctor, but finally the nurse called on Tuesday of this week.  The nurse told the hubs that he had a kidney stone(s), gallstone(s), and a fatty liver.  The only advice she provided over the phone was for J to reduce his intake of fatty/greasy food. 

Not long after Jason spoke with the nurse, he called me.  He sounded upset and concerned.  He told me the results and what the nurse said.  Of course, at that moment, I was frustrated.  1) Jason and I don't eat fatty/greasy food; 2) The recommendation to reduce fatty/greasy food is too vague to be helpful; 3) If you are going to call on Tuesday and we have a follow-up on Thursday of the same week - what is the point?

So, the past two days (plus the last week or so) have been an awful waiting game.  I am glad that Jason has an appointment for an endoscopy tomorrow.  I am really hoping that Dr. O'Loughlin can give us some immediate guidance on how to eliminate some of the stomach issues that J is experiencing.  I just need some kind of "game plan".  I keep saying to myself -- Just tell me what is going on.  Tell me if I need to remove food ingredients A through F from our diet and I will.  I will then make the most delicious meals possible with food ingredients G through Z. 

Good thoughts for the hubs tomorrow!  He is very nervous about being "put under" for the endoscopy.  Also, good thoughts for me too.  I have a feeling that I am going to be stuck in the waiting room, trying to remain calm the entire time J is going through his procedure. 

If you made it this far, thank you.  I appreciate it. 

Week in review

This week has been a busy one, but wonderful.  The hubs had to present at a conference in Wilmington and I had to attend a conference in Wrightsville for work.  What does that mean for us?  Nearly a full week at the beach that we don't have to pay for :-)

Tuesday:  The hubs and I left Raleigh mid/late morning to head toward the beach.  We made a stop in Clinton for the hubs to get a haircut and have lunch at Kaleel's.  Not sure if anyone even knows where Clinton is, but if you ever pass through you must eat at Kaleel's.  After lunch, we made the rest of the trip to Wilmington.  After checking in to the hotel, we made our way to Johnny Mercer's pier for a while.  It was absolutely delightful.  I was right where I belonged - salt air all around and a beer in my hand.  Life was good.  For dinner we headed to a "new to us" restaurant in Wilmington - The Fish House Grill.  You must try the grouper nuggets - so good!

Wednesday:  On Wednesday morning, I dropped the hubs off at his conference.  I headed to Wrightsville Beach to try out "the loop".  I got in a nice 2.5 mile run - the only negative was the ridiculous humidity.  After my run, I headed to the Blockade Runner to sit on the beach for a while.  I was, yet again, right where I belonged...  The salt air just makes my heart happy.  I spent several glorious hours on the beach.  Later that afternoon, I picked up the hubs at his conference.  We spent several hours just hanging out, then went to The Eat Spot.  Another delicious dinner!! 

Thursday:  I dropped the hubs off at his conference and headed on another run.  After my run, I went back to the hotel, got cleaned up, and checked out.  I picked up the hubs around noon and we went to Sweet and Savory for lunch.  Whenever we travel to the Wilmington area, Sweet and Savory is a must.  That afternoon we headed to the Blockade Runner, our hotel for the rest of our trip.  After settling in and attending a the reception for my conference, we met up with the hubs' boss and colleagues at Hieronymous Seafood.  We were able to enjoy catching up with his colleagues and have a yummy seafood dinner.  I had the mahi mahi with lemon-caper sauce.  I love chicken piccata, so I just might have to try making it with fish to change things up. 

Friday:  I spent Friday morning doing activities associated with my conference.  After the morning sessions were over, the hubs and I went to lunch (again) at Sweet and Savory - yummy again!  We spent the afternoon at the pool.  The weather was perfect - partly cloudy and relatively cool.  For dinner we went to 22 North.  I have to say that the food at 22 North is close to "life changing".  They have a chalkboard-style menu - they definitely market their freshness and variety.  I think the best thing we had last night was the Red Beans and Rice appetizer.  It came with these little jalapeno hushpuppies - a nice little kick when you bite into them, but not so spicy that it bothers your stomach.  We are already trying to decide when we are going to come back to Wrightsville Beach, so we can eat at 22 North again. 

Saturday:  Today is the last day of my conference.  After the morning sessions are over, I think we'll be heading out to the pool again.  Tonight we have the closing banquet for the conference and we'll head home tomorrow morning.

If you can't tell, the recurring theme for this week has been - conferences, food, salt air, and food.  I am hoping that I haven't gained this week, but if I did I will just move right on.  The little bit of relaxing time at the beach with my hubs has been good for my soul.  I feel rejuvenated and ready for the next challenge. 

FMM - Girly Stuff

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here www.alltheweigh.com so everyone can see your FMM questions and answers.

FMM: Girly Questions

1. Do you like to shop? I do now!  When I first met my hubs, I hated shopping for clothes.  I think part of that had to do with how I felt about myself.  There are still times where I like to shop in the "hunt vs. hunted" way, but most of the time I enjoy taking my time and savoring the experience.

2. How often do you wear makeup? I wear makeup everyday.  On the weekends, I tend to go with less makeup than on a weekday.  I don't want to scare anyone that I work with, so makeup is a must!

3. How do you feel about nail polish? I admit it...  I am a nail biter.  Until the last month or so, I have had gel nails.  I recently got them removed and now get manicures with gel nail polish.  Hoping they will grow out soon.

4. Do you consider yourself to be a feminist?  Umm...  I don't think I am an uber feminist, but I do love strong, determined women.  I graduated from a women's college and being strong, determined, and all that jazz was embedded in us.  I think that women can do anything that they want, so long as they set their mind to it. 

5. What’s your biggest challenge as a woman? I think the biggest challenge for me is to accept me, but also be aware that I can't "let myself go" at the same time.  I need to be happy with certain parts of my physical appearance, etc. , while always working to maintain a healthy lifestyle, etc.  It is a very hard balance.

6. Do you wear skirts and dresses? I love to wear skirts and dresses in the summer.  When the weather gets cold, rarely will you see me in a skirt/dress because I detest panty hose/tights!

7. How do you feel about high heels? I tolerate them.  Most of the time, I save the heels for important meetings or times when I am going out and know that I will not be standing for a long time.  I am only 5'4" so sometimes I need the height and cute-factor :-)

8. Do you subscribe to magazines? If so, which ones? I currently subscribe to Weight Watchers, Whole Living, and Cooking Light.  I keep meaning to subscribe to Runner's World and/or Women's Running.

9. Do you shave your legs/wax/ use depilatory creams or go au naturale? I shave.

10. What do you like most about being a woman? Hmmm....  Is "almost everything" an ok answer?  I love to cook, bake, clean, organize, etc.  I think my most favorite part of being a woman is the stereotypical "caring" role.  I love doing things for others and just taking care of others.  It's just my thing...

Now it’s your turn to answer the questions! And don’t forget to link up at http://www.alltheweigh.com/!!