Regan's Ruminations: {The Past}

Thursday, January 31, 2013

{The Past}

Last night, I was posting all over Facebook and Twitter about how excited I was to find out, via body composition testing from The Human Performance Laboratory at my box, that I am in the moderate/"healthy" body fat range for my body since about 4th grade. When I talked to Margaret (best friend since diapers) via text last night, she reminded me of how far I have come, both physically and mentally...

During our conversation, she said that she showed a 1st and 5th grade picture of me to her fiance, just so he could understand my progress. My first thought was "how the heck did she get pictures from back then?" I know how dumb that sounds... Of course she has pics from our childhood. We were pretty much inseparable for many years. I had to see what pictures she was talking about and I asked her to send them to me. The evidence is below.

1st grade

5th grade

When I look at these pictures I see two very different girls. The Regan from 1st grade was an average kid, going through the regular kid stuff - happy-go-lucky, living in her small town by the beach. Fast forward 4 years and you get the 5th grade version of me. There's something about that girl that is different... At first, I thought it might be the glasses or the jumper. Just look at the "signature" - I signed my best friend's yearbook with my nickname and wrote "yuk" beside it - who does that?

I sat in my living room the rest of the evening and thought back to that time... The young girl in the second picture above doesn't look happy to me. Yes, she's smiling, she just doesn't look happy. In 5th/6th grade is when it all changed. I started gaining weight; I was losing my childhood happiness; I was heading on a destructive path that few would know about.

Now, I look back on that time of pain, sadness, and missed opportunities with a sense of encouragement and joy. Things haven't been easy - they never will be. However, I would not be where I am today without having made it through the past. Because of this reminder from a dear friend last night, I can look back at the pictures below and realize I am who I am today because of them...

I've come a long way and I'm not gonna stop now.