Sunday, November 18, 2012

{Irrational Fear Sets In...}

Over the last three nights, I have been having crazy dreams.  When I say crazy, I don't mean zombies chasing people through the streets of Raleigh, but crazy scary crazy.

I don't remember each of the dreams, but they have scared the utter crap out of me about my surgery.  This is the moment when irrational fear begins to take over and plague my mind.  I have been thinking non-stop about my surgery that happens in a mere 10 days.

I went into the living room, trying to sleep off and on, after I woke up shaking with fear at 6 a.m.  At 8 a.m., I went to the grocery store because sleep just wasn't happening.  When I got back from the grocery store,  Jason called me in our bedroom.  I am sure he could tell that something was "up".  Reluctantly, I climbed back in bed, even though there were groceries to put away.  Thank goodness for him... We curled up under the covers, he held me close, and I got almost an hour of good sleep.

After finally crawling out of bed around 10:30 a.m., I did a few things around the house.  Before running out to Whole Foods to pick up a few things, I finally explained to J what was up.  The dreams.  They're horrible.  Like I said, I don't remember every detail, but they're scary enough to wake me up.  He reminded me that I have done my research, I am confident in my physician, and I have to "trust the process...."  I have worked hard, researched a lot, and now I just have to follow-through.

Counting down till Wednesday, November 28....

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